Talking to someone new can be super scary. You might wonder what to say or worry about what they’ll think of you. Will they think you’re just trying to sell them something? Or maybe you’re not sure if the chat will even lead anywhere.

Ever felt like that? Lots of people have, including me. So, how do we beat those nerves and start a conversation with confidence? You learn to build authentic connections.

Here’s a game plan:

• Drop all expectations- Just like running into someone on the street and saying hey, how are you? Happy New Year!. What did you do to celebrate this year? You’re starting to build the relationship, these things can’t always be rushed. People need to be able to trust you before they buy. You’re not going to be selling to them in the first 5 minutes of the conversation. Let go of whether or not they will be buying from you.

• Be curious and ask questions– Ask them questions about themselves and about what they’re working on. People love to talk about themselves so let them talk about themselves. Allow them to open up to you with the feeling of honesty and trustworthiness. These can be questions like: Are you working on anything exciting currently? What’s your biggest motivation for showing up everyday?

• Be clear about what you want– If you’re looking for a sale because you know they would absolutely be transformed from it, or if you’re looking to collaborate with them in a capacity. Be upfront about what you’re asking for and be ok with them being saying No. The response to your questions doesn’t need to stop the relationship. When you’re asking for what you want, you need to take into consideration their needs and the relationship you’ve built with that person. We are not out here asking everyone and anyone to buy from us.

• Share something about yourself. It’s not just about asking questions; you also want to give a little. By sharing your own experiences or thoughts, you create a two-way street that feels more like an exchange than an interrogation. For example, you might say, “I’ve been really into hiking lately. Do you enjoy outdoor activities?”

• Listen actively. This means really paying attention to what the other person is saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Show that you’re engaged by nodding, making eye contact, and offering relevant comments or follow-up questions. Taking in person listening to online listening can look like, letting them finish typing and their thoughts before responding, answering their questions fully, and using voice notes to convey tone and emotion.

• Find common ground. Look for topics that you both are interested in. This could be anything from a shared hobby to a mutual friend or even current events (as long as they’re not too controversial). Finding something in common makes the conversation flow more naturally. A great place to find common ground can be within stories, videos, and personal posts.

Continuing to build on the art of conversation, especially with strangers, can open up a world of opportunities for you; so keep creating conversations that will open up new ways to communicate.

Check out the free guide Authentic Connections for Introverts to get your conversations started with the intention of building relationships first and sales second.